Premarital Counseling

Premarital Counseling is a particularly important and time-sensitive process because research shows that most couples usually begin counseling after problems have already begun. Many couples initiate counseling because they are unhappy with their partner and/or something has gone wrong in their relationship. John Gottman, a leading researcher in the field of marital therapy has concluded that, “the average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems” (Gottman, 2004, Self Help & Tips section, para. 2). This statistic is particularly disconcerting considering that some studies suggest that more than 50% of all divorces occur within the first few years of marriage (Carroll & Doherty, 2003). In a meta-analysis of premarital counseling programs, the average person/couple who participated in a premarital counseling program was better off after the program than 79% of the people who did not participate in such a program (Carroll & Doherty, 2003).

Why should we go for premarital counseling?

The goal of marriage is not just to stay together but to have a fulfilling, close relationship that enriches the lives of both partners. Premarital counseling provides the couple with the tools to live their best relationship possible. Marriage represents for many couples the formal transition from a single person to a couple. Taking another person’s needs and desires into consideration while honoring your own needs and desires can be tough at times. Premarital counseling optimizes each person’s ability to have a relationship that meets their needs while still maintaining personal passions and interests. Previous relationship challenges and unresolved childhood challenges can also weigh down otherwise healthy relationships. Premarital counseling can also help to identify possible growth areas for the relationship.

Indicators that you may benefit from premarital counseling

If a significant change in relationship commitment is on the horizon
If you and your partner plan on structuring your relationship roles differently than your parents
If communication and/or handling conflict is sometimes a challenge
If your new level of commitment will require changes for your extended family and friends
If you want to get on the same page financially
If there is a specific difference in needs that you can’t agree upon

How is premarital counseling different from marriage and couples counseling?

Premarital counseling is different from couples and marriage counseling in that it is a preventative process as opposed to a curative one. Even though many of the same core issues are addressed in premarital counseling as in couples and marriage counseling, they are discussed from the perspective of helping both partners understand, reconcile, and integrate each other’s views/beliefs/lifestyles so that conflict can be minimized, and connections can be maximized.

Goals of premarital counseling

To communicate about challenging issues proactively and effectively
To resolve conflict successfully and respectfully
To create and stick to a financial plan
To agree on role responsibilities and expectations
To nurture your friendship and sexual relationship
To maintain appropriate boundaries with extended family and friends
To envision and accomplish your individual and shared dreams
To find a healthy and happy balance between marriage/family, work, and self

Benefits of premarital counseling

Successfully transition from being a dating couple to a married couple
Increase confidence in your ability to overcome future challenges
Heal existing relational wounds/disagreements
Feel close and connected amidst the stress of wedding planning
Have a joint plan for and vision of your marriage